Balance Baby

S1E1 Mind Matters: How the Past Shapes Your Present

• Harkaren • Season 1 • Episode 1

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Embarking on a journey of self-discovery, I, Harkaren, peel back the layers of identity to reveal the pivotal choices that lead to true happiness. Through my own eyes as a Canadian-born Punjabi woman, I explore the delicate dance of embracing cultural roots while forging a unique path. This episode is an intimate look at the moments that pushed me toward therapy and the life-changing realizations about owning our narratives and the beliefs that shape them. As I recount these transformative tales, I invite you to question the values that define you and consider how the past has molded your present.

We also unravel the mysteries of our conscious and subconscious minds, discussing their profound impact on our daily lives and long-term wellbeing. The childhood stories we tell ourselves can either bind or free us, and in sharing my personal anecdotes, I aim to illuminate the path to breaking free from limiting patterns. Together, we acknowledge the brain's inclinations, but also its incredible capacity for change. And as we close this chapter, I extend a heartfelt invitation to our Instagram community, where we continue to support each other in finding that delicate BalanceBaby, with each post, each conversation, and each shared victory. Join us for this transformational dialogue, and take the first step towards recalibrating your life's balance.

And last but not least - a loving tribute to my grandpa; may he rest in peace.

Join our community of radiant souls. Subscribe and tune in every Wednesday to hear the latest episode. Be a part of a vibrant tribe that supports, inspires, and grows together.

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Harkaren:

Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the podcast designed to help you consistently show up as the best version of yourself. My name is Harkaren and I'll be your host. I'll be here every week sharing stories and teaching you techniques to prioritize the only thing we have any control over in this world Ourselves. There is one thing we all have in common, and it's that we want to be happy, but for most people, no matter how hard they try, they can't seem to stay in a state of happiness. An external situation happens, like maybe you had a tough day at work, or you get a flat tire, or maybe you get into a fight with your partner. Suddenly, you're no longer happy and you're no longer in a good mood. Or worse, maybe you're having an internal conflict where you have beliefs that make you feel that you don't deserve to be happy. Maybe at some point in your life, somebody made you believe that you can only be happy once you reach a certain milestone or once all the cards have aligned. The thing is that happiness is a choice. You can and should choose to show up and be happy on a daily basis, and I know it seems easier said than done, but you took a big step today by being here. It shows me that you're ready to make a change in your life. It shows me that you're ready to take back control and start living as your authentic self. I'm here to help you, but the first thing you need to do is decide that you're done with the life you've been living. Decide that you're ready to experience more joy and more fulfillment in your life. The solutions are simple, but they're not easy. It's going to take some effort on your part. It's going to take strength to challenge societal norms and stand firmly in your truth. It all begins with our thoughts. The emotions we feel are a reaction to the thoughts we are having. Our emotions influence our behavior and the energy we put out into the world. So in order to change our outer world, we need to start with our inner thoughts. The person you are today is a combination of all the external factors in your life, like what your parents taught you or what you learned in school, or what your religion told you to believe. All of these opinions sit in our subconscious mind and create the thought we think today. Our thoughts create our beliefs, which create our personality, or our personal reality.

Harkaren:

Ten years ago, I began to question my personality and whether it was actually serving me. I became very curious about why certain situations or certain people had the ability to trigger me. I had an urge to understand the root causes of my reactions to the world around me. I often found myself pulled between two personas. One was the kind, thoughtful and happy person I felt deep inside of me, and the other was the more reactive version of myself, the one who could be easily annoyed or occasionally petty. That would unfortunately surface more often than I'd like to admit. Every time that reactive side won, I couldn't help but feel shame and guilt. I knew that deep down, I could be so much more. I could embody more compassion and offer more empathy, and I was determined to find a way to bring these aspects into alignment. This is what prompted my first therapy visit in 2013 and ultimately led me on a path of self-discovery and personal growth.

Harkaren:

So many of us go through life reacting to people, places and situations. When we're in reaction mode, we're not truly in control of our lives. The person, place or situations are in control of us. It's time to drop the victim mentality and truly take ownership of our lives. It's time to become curious about why you are the way you are so you can start making the changes to show up as the person you've always wanted to be. In order to do that, we need to know who we are. So do you know who you are? I'm not talking about your name or your job title, but do you know what you're passionate about? Do you know what triggers you or what your values are, or why those values matter to you? What opinions do you have about yourself, and where did those opinions come from? These questions take a lot of introspection. To come up with your answers, you need to reflect and be honest with yourself. Let me share some stories to hopefully get the ball rolling. So, as you already know, my name is Har Karen.

Harkaren:

I'm a first-generation Canadian-born Punjabi woman living in British Columbia, Canada. Growing up as a first-generation child of immigrant parents comes with its own unique set of challenges. You're tasked with honoring your heritage while also trying to discover who you are and how you fit into this world. Finding a balance between my Punjabi heritage and my Western upbringing was extremely challenging for me. When I was younger, I felt that my culture was very misogynistic and placed limitations on my potential. For example, I remember being told at a young age that I was too opinionated. First of all, I was a girl, so I should be quiet and not ruffle any feathers. Second, I should respect my elders no matter what. But for me, I loved that I had a voice and that I knew how to use it, that I would stand up for myself and for others. But from my elders' perspective, I was being disrespectful and talking back. Their beliefs directly conflicted with my own. This conflict caused me to question who was right and who was wrong. They were older than me, they had more life experience than me, so maybe they knew what was best. Maybe I should be quiet and maybe I should keep my opinions to myself. But that's not what happened. I slowly began rejecting my culture. I didn't listen to what I was told and I rebelled against the rules set out for me. But being rebellious didn't bring me happiness and fulfillment either. I gave too much weight to what other people thought of me, and it began making me act in ways I otherwise wouldn't. I started to internalize the anger and resentment I was feeling, which turned me into an overly reactive person. As I mentioned earlier, this is what led me to my first therapy visit, and at this visit, I was introduced to something that completely changed my understanding of life the conscious and subconscious mind.

Harkaren:

Our brain activity is made up of the conscious mind and the subconscious mind. Our conscious mind is the part that focuses on the present moment. It is the part that makes logical decisions for things that are happening right now and the part that engages with our physical surroundings. The subconscious mind stores our beliefs, our attitudes and our habits based on past experiences and conditioning. It also regulates essential body functions such as heartbeat, breathing and digestion, without requiring conscious effort. An easy way to understand it is this the conscious mind is the part of the brain you use to learn new behaviors or skills. The subconscious mind is responsible for storing that newly learned behavior or skill so that you can reference it again in the future, instead of having to relearn it each time when you're learning something new. Your conscious mind is extremely engaged in the learning, but when you operate from your subconscious mind, it is done with very little conscious effort or thought. It's almost automatic. The subconscious mind is meant to free up your conscious mind so that it can focus on things that are happening in the present moment. It's estimated that 95% of our brain activity is subconscious and the majority of our subconscious beliefs are formed by the age of 7.

Harkaren:

During that period in time, our brains were highly impressionable and better able to absorb information from our environment to create our foundational beliefs and attitudes. So if you were like me and you were told you were too opinionated, that belief will live inside of your subconscious mind and it will resurface in many different ways. You guys, it goes so deep. Me being told I was too opinionated directly conflicted with my own beliefs about myself. I felt my opinions were good and valid and worth sharing. But now this doubt had been placed in my mind and reinforced in various ways. So I had an internal struggle. I didn't know when I could trust myself or when I needed guidance from others. I formed a fear of being rejected or criticized by others and eventually I started seeking external validation and approval. This is where the problems start for most of us.

Harkaren:

Humans have evolved and adapted to so much throughout history. Unfortunately, our brains often continue to operate from a survival point of view. Our mind is trying to keep us safe, but we don't have the same threats to our survival that we used to. We can get stressed or anxious even in situations where there's no real danger. Scientists call this the negativity bias, where our brains pay more attention to negative information. This is why it's often easier for your mind to pay attention to negative thoughts than positive ones. Our brains have a built-in tendency to give more importance to things that might be bad or harmful. This goes back to ancient times, when our ancestors had to watch out for dangers like predators. The brain got really good at noticing and remembering anything negative because it helped keep them safe. Understanding this helps us realize why we might feel stressed in situations that aren't actually risky. It's like our brains are wired to be on high alert even when it's not necessary, and now that you know this, you can start using this information.

Harkaren:

We are resilient beings and we have the ability to reprogram our subconscious mind. When we have a belief, whether it's positive or negative, our mind will search for scenarios that support our belief. Our subconscious mind is constantly running in the background, shaping our thoughts and influencing our perceptions. Sometimes this information can be completely false, which is why it's important to question the thoughts that you're having. Bringing awareness to false thoughts will help you take charge of your thinking. It's like turning on a mental light to see things more clearly. When you realize that some of your thoughts might not be true or are exaggerated, you can start questioning them. This is important because false thoughts, especially negative ones, can affect how you feel and how you act.

Harkaren:

Listen, if you didn't have a loving, uplifting, positive upbringing, all hope is not lost. We all have trauma. We all grew up in less than ideal situations, be it physically, emotionally or mentally. But it's time to forgive and start right now to take control of our lives. Here's the thing Our parents did the best they could with what they had. They were always in survival mode. Many of them had a bunch of siblings. They were parenting, or they got married young, or they had to uproot and relocate to a foreign country. They didn't have the luxury of healing, and it really is a luxury and a privilege. It's something we need to do, not only for ourselves, but for the future generations to come. And let me tell you, once you begin, it becomes like an addiction. It feels so good to feel good. As you reprogram your negative beliefs, you will begin to understand what your true beliefs are, who you truly are, what matters to you and what you value most.

Harkaren:

A beautiful side effect of doing this work is the profound healing that comes with it. When I think back on where I am today compared to where I was when I started on this personal growth journey, I'm overcome with intense gratitude. I'm so thankful for every experience that brought me to this point, All of the good and all of the bad along the way. I am thankful for the realizations I've had and the growth and healing that's come with it. Now that I'm so rooted in myself, I don't feel the need to blame my culture or my upbringing for anything. It taught me how to unapologetically own who I am. Connecting with myself has caused a lot of healing in my life and allowed me to appreciate all aspects of who I am.

Harkaren:

Looking back on my childhood now, I see it with a fresh perspective. When I think about those days, I remember a lot of sweet and happy moments. My parents were busy working, so my grandpa played a big role in taking care of my siblings and me. Every afternoon he'd walk to our school and pick us up. Then we'd all walk together to the nearest guard door, which pretty much became our after school hangout. It was like our own little daycare. Everyone at the guard door knew us and we had the best time playing and running around until it was time to go home. The elders there were super kind and, since they knew us so well, they often had a hidden stash of candy just for us, and when you're a kid, it really doesn't get much better than that. My grandpa played a big part in my life. He is the reason I can speak Punjabi fluently. He lived with us growing up and since he didn't speak English, I had to talk to him in Punjabi. It was our only way of communicating and it helped me keep up with the language. When this podcast episode is released, it'll mark one year minus a day since my grandpa passed away In Loving Memory. This episode is dedicated to him.

Harkaren:

It's incredibly hard to lose anyone, but part of the human experience is becoming resilient. The person we lost does not want us to be sad or depressed. They don't want us to throw away our lives. We need to find ways to honour them and their memories. My grandpa came to Canada from India in the 80s. He didn't know the language and he didn't have a support system, but he wanted to provide his family with a better life. He had to step outside of his comfort zone and make a drastic change in his life. He sacrificed so much so that my family and I could have all that we do. He wanted us to have a better life than he had, and here I am living that better life. I wanted to find a way to honour his legacy and his sacrifice. When he passed, I felt my intuition guiding me on a path that I had not previously envisioned. His passing led to a sequence of events which have ultimately landed me here in front of a microphone, talking to you. Sometimes the most unexpected paths lead to the most meaningful destinations. If I hadn't put in the effort to work on myself over the last decade, I'm not sure how I would have handled this major loss in my life.

Harkaren:

My personal growth journey has given me the tools and strengths to navigate through difficult times. It's a reminder of the importance of investing in our well-being. The journey of self-improvement has been my anchor, helping me find resilience and understanding during tough times. I share this to emphasise the transformative power personal development can have in facing life's toughest moments. We all go through challenges and the journey of self-improvement isn't about becoming perfect, but about building resilience and a positive mindset. As I reflect on the impact it had on me. I sincerely wish the same for you. Life can be tough and we all encounter losses and setbacks, but investing in our well-being and personal growth can be a guiding light as you heal and as you continue on your path of enlightenment. More layers will be revealed, but don't worry, I'll be here for you every step of the way.

Harkaren:

Thank you so much for tuning into my first episode. As promised, I have a special gift for you. I want to set you up for success on your personal growth journey, so I created a short digital guide to help you work through some of the concepts we discussed here today and that will help you as we continue on our journey together. Head over to my Instagram at BalanceBaby podcast and click the link in bio to download your guide. Now, While you're on my Instagram, go ahead and hit follow so we can stay in touch Together. Here we're creating a community of beautiful souls ready to uplift each other, ready to experience all the joy that this life has to offer us. And don't forget life is all about BalanceBaby. Thank you.