Balance Baby

S1E5 Elevating Our Lives Through Community and Connection

• Harkaren • Season 1 • Episode 5

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Have you ever felt like a lone warrior on your personal development quest? I've been there, too, until I discovered the sheer power of a rock-solid support system. In today's heart-to-heart, we unwrap the crucial role that encouragement and camaraderie play in our growth journey. I get real about my own battles with negativity and how I've learned to set boundaries, choosing to walk alongside high-vibe tribe members who elevate our collective vibrancy. We delve into the science of happiness—how neurotransmitters like oxytocin and serotonin are not just buzzwords but key players in our emotional well-being, and we examine how these chemical allies can help us flourish when we're in good company.

Fostering a supportive community isn't just a feel-good mantra; it's a lifeline that buoys us through the stormiest seas of life. Whether it's the grateful shoutouts to my own personal cheerleading squad or the open invitation to join our BalanceBaby family on Instagram, this conversation is an ode to the power of connection. Without my own network, the lows would have been lower, and the highs, perhaps not as high. So I'm urging you to lean in, listen, and let's share this winding, wonderful path of personal evolution together. Remember, the true art of balance is in seeking out those who hold us steady and lift us higher.

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Harkaren:

Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the podcast designed to help you consistently show up as the best version of yourself. My name is Harkaren and I'll be your host. I'll be here every week sharing stories and teaching you techniques to prioritize the only thing we have any control over in this world Ourselves. Up until now, our focus has been on us, because this podcast is about becoming the best version of ourselves. The truth is, we cannot be the best versions of ourselves without the others in our lives.

Harkaren:

Personal development is often seen as a solo journey. We envision ourselves conquering mountains and overcoming challenges independently, and while self-reliance is essential on our journey of personal development, it's important to understand the impact our support system has on our growth. It's not just about having someone to lean on during tough times. It's about having people who celebrate your victories, big and small, who are in your corner, cheering you on. That collective energy becomes a force that propels you to reach new heights. It gives you the boost of encouragement you might need when your personal motivation is lacking. Your support system can be made up of friends, family, your partner or even professionals really anyone who you feel supported by.

Harkaren:

Human beings are social creatures and we need to feel a sense of connection and belonging to thrive. The people we keep closest to us have the ability to influence our mindset, our stress levels and our overall well-being. Research has shown time and time again that positive social interactions stimulate our brains in remarkable ways. Neurotransmitters such as oxytocin, serotonin and dopamine work together to enhance our mood, alleviate stress and foster an environment that supports personal growth. As you elevate your life, seeking personal development and positive experiences, you might find that you start out growing relationships with certain people. Maybe they're not growing at the same rate as you or, worse, maybe they're not growing at all. This isn't about superiority, but it's a natural progression on your journey towards a more fulfilling and meaningful life. You have to be willing to let go of what is no longer serving you. Outgrowing people on your journey of personal development doesn't mean abandoning them. It means prioritizing your mental and emotional well-being. Sometimes it's about setting boundaries to protect your positive energy. On this journey, being mindful of the people you keep close becomes crucial.

Harkaren:

I want to backtrack a bit to something we discussed in the first episode. When we are reactive, we give our control to the person who is triggering us. I used to have a lot of low-vibe people. In my life, I had people around me who would intentionally trigger me to get a reaction, mainly because they knew they could. Whenever I would make progress towards my goals, they would attempt to sabotage me. When I would get a new job or be studying for an exam, they would start arguments with me so as to keep my attention divided. These are absolutely the worst type of people you can keep around you. If you stay in these circles, you will become one of them. Please don't let this happen to you.

Harkaren:

I always had good people in my life and I could have turned to them, but there was a part of myself that didn't feel good enough, so I would allow people to treat me badly because, subconsciously, there was a part of me that believed I deserved it. I share this because I want you to be honest with yourself. What standards are you holding yourself and others to? I'm someone who's always been hyper-independent. I'm a problem solver and I will always try to figure things out on my own. I used to have a hard time asking for and accepting help a classic case of middle child syndrome but as time went on, I realized how important it is to have people around who can support you. Even though I used to prefer doing things independently, I've come to see that having a support system is crucial. It's not just about fixing problems. It's also about having people there for you emotionally, sharing different perspectives and going through experiences together. Understanding the value of a support system doesn't mean giving up being independent. It actually makes you stronger. It shows that, no matter how capable you are on your own, there are times when working together with others can make you even better. Seeking help is a sign of strength. It indicates a willingness to learn from others and recognizing the power of having a well-rounded group to lean on.

Harkaren:

Think about a time where you've been caught in a negative thought loop. Your whole day has been off because you just can't seem to shake the negativity. You've tried meditating and going for a walk, but it just doesn't seem to be working. Things are triggering you and it seems to be getting worse. Then you get a text from someone in your support system. You decide to open up to them and tell them what's been on your mind. You already start feeling better just by sharing the silent burden you've been carrying. Maybe they offer you a perspective that you hadn't considered yet. Suddenly, your big issue doesn't seem like such a big deal anymore. Or, alternatively, maybe something terrible is happening in your life, like maybe you're going through a divorce. You've been trying to hold it together but you just can't anymore. Your self-esteem is low, your self-confidence is low and your future is not looking so bright. You open up to your siblings and you're reminded that you are loved, you are cared for and that everything is going to be alright. When people show up for you, when they are there for you in your time of need, you build a deeper and stronger connection with them, leading to a deeper sense of fulfillment in your life. You need people in your life who remind you how great you are, people who you can trust with your whole heart.

Harkaren:

People who are not aligned with your positive energy and growth mindset might inadvertently act as energy vampires. Energy vampires are people who knowingly or unknowingly drain your energy and enthusiasm. They might be constantly negative, unsupportive or resistant to change. It comes from a lack of self-awareness and our job is not to judge them Honestly. We've all been there at one point or another. Our job is to protect our peace and to find support in people who align with the highest version of ourselves as you continue to work on yourself, you will naturally attract people who are as committed to their growth as you are. But I want to elaborate a little bit more on energy vampires and how you can handle the situation with grace.

Harkaren:

Are there people in your life who are constantly complaining? They complain about their job, their spouse, their health, their in-laws, their living situation, their finances, the weather, the news, literally anything and everything. No one wants to hear it, but they're not self-aware enough to read the room, or they're so used to spending time with other low-energy people that they've normalized this behavior. These are the same people who are constantly involved in drama and although they say they hate drama, they are the common denominator. These are the people who have time to sit around and gossip about others. No one who is pursuing a fulfilling life has time to sit around and gossip. They are too focused on themselves and their goals to waste their time on such low-vibes activities. I'm not talking about the occasional complaint. It's the constant complaining, the victim mentality, the inflated self-pity. Again, it all comes back to a lack of self-awareness. Here's the thing we have no control over other people and they have no control over us, even when it seems like they do you give them control, depending on how you react to them.

Harkaren:

When it comes to handling situations with energy vampires, it's crucial to approach them with a delicate touch. Rather than reacting with frustration or annoyance, consider responding with understanding. Average that their behavior may be rooted in their own struggles and insecurities. It's not about accepting negativity, but about preserving your positive energy while extending empathy. Usually, though, the best way to handle these situations is to acknowledge that they are doing the best they can and give them space, recognizing and understanding that their best might look different than your best, because, truly, we are all doing the best we can. Sometimes we have a greater capacity and sometimes we don't, but once you know better, you do better. The intention here is to inform you of the patterns that you might be stuck in. By embracing the idea that everyone is doing their best, you create space for compassion and understanding. It allows you to navigate challenging interactions without feeling personally responsible for someone else's behavior. This perspective encourages a more empathetic response, creating an environment where you can protect your positive energy while extending understanding to those around you. Ultimately, by acknowledging the limitations of control over others and embracing the concept that everyone is doing their best, you can maintain your own well-being and continue to elevate your life.

Harkaren:

Setting boundaries is another technique that is crucial when dealing with energy vampires. You don't have to absorb their negativity, politely and firmly express your boundaries, making it clear that you prefer positive and constructive conversations. Redirect discussions toward solutions rather than dwelling on problems. This reminds me of a particular scenario I had experienced. I had someone venting to me regularly about their life problems. I would offer advice as best as possible, but I would always leave our interactions feeling completely drained of my energy. The next time I saw them, it was the same thing. They weren't implementing my advice. They weren't making any changes, they were just allowing their circumstances to keep them miserable. I eventually had to put my foot down and tell them that I was no longer available to listen to their venting. They would have to find another outlet. I made sure that they knew I was still here to support them as best as I could, but that the venting drained me and I couldn't allow it anymore. This person respected my boundaries and eventually found better ways to cope. They eventually made the changes needed to improve their life experience and our relationship only grew closer in the process.

Harkaren:

Remember, handling energy vampires is not about judgment. It's about self-preservation. By protecting your peace and actively seeking positive connections, you can navigate these situations with grace and continue on your path of personal growth. It's essential to surround yourself with people who uplift and inspire you. Seek out individuals who share your positive energy and growth mindset. Cultivate relationships with those who contribute to your well-being and personal development. This doesn't mean cutting off everyone who may have moments of negativity, but rather creating a balanced circle that supports your journey towards the best version of yourself. And here's the beautiful part as much as your support system uplifts you, you have the incredible opportunity to be that pillar for someone else. Your journey of personal development becomes a shared experience of growth, resilience and mutual inspiration. This is exactly what is meant by raising the collective consciousness. When you extend a helping hand, share your experiences or simply lend an empathetic ear, you contribute to the elevation of awareness and understanding. Each act of support and encouragement sends positive ripples through the interconnected web of humanity. The more we lift each other up, the higher our collective consciousness rises. As you inspire others to overcome challenges and embrace their potential, you become an integral part of the bigger picture.

Harkaren:

Have you heard of the phrase match their energy? I personally don't agree with the sentiment. If I'm vibrating at a higher frequency, why would I lower my vibe to match someone else? Instead, I stay true to myself and they can either elevate to match me or they'll get left behind. This aligns with the concept of personal boundaries and self-respect. By staying true to your own energy, you prioritize your well-being and maintain your authenticity. It also implies a level of self-confidence, acknowledging the value of your own positive energy and its potential to influence those around you positively. I urge us all to lead by example and let others choose whether to rise to the occasion or not. I'd like to share a very real and very current example of this.

Harkaren:

As a single lady, the dating scene can be extremely draining of your energy. You spend days or weeks forming a meaningful connection with someone only to have them poof, disappear, ghost you, but of course, as we know, they always come back. How do you handle it when they come back? My approach to this has evolved so much in the four years that I've been single because I've healed and grown so much in that time. I remember the first guy who ghosted me. I was so confused and I took it personally, coming out of a long-term relationship and entering the dating scene in the dating app era was a huge learning curve. I value good communication and I have no issue having tough conversations, but I am the anomaly For most people it's easier to avoid confrontation. I've had people tell me to play the same game back, but I just don't have time for that and, like I said, I'd rather lead by example. Now, being who I am and the place I am in, I get to respond with kindness as if nothing ever happened. Why? Because that's who I am and I'm not going to let someone else's behavior dictate how I act.

Harkaren:

I know that someone ghosting me has nothing to do with me. It's their insecurities, it's their overthinking, it's their lack of maturity. It makes me feel sorry for them because I can see that they're lacking something within themselves. They are doing the best they can given their current circumstances. I know that anyone who is whole and fulfilled doesn't feel the need to ghost, so all I can do is offer them my kindness. I don't need to allow them back into my life, or I can. It's really up to me and whether I find value in maintaining that relationship. But you can only act in this way when you're aligned with your higher self and showing up authentically. When you're coming from a place of alignment, you stop taking things personally because you can see the humanity in everyone, because you are at peace and you are protecting your peace. You're not looking for validation. You already feel loved and supported because you've cultivated a support system who reminds you who you are. So be kind to the ghost. They need it.

Harkaren:

Thank you so much for tuning in to my fifth episode. I know this one was a little different, but it's so necessary to understand these concepts on your personal growth journey. I am super fortunate for the people I have in my life. I have the best siblings and the most amazing cousins. I have thoughtful and caring friends who want nothing more than to see all my dreams come true. They have supported me through some of the most challenging experiences of my life. They have been my crutches, my cheerleaders and my confidants.

Harkaren:

No matter how positive and aligned you are, there will be times when you need the support of others, and this is exactly why this podcast exists. If you need strong and supportive people in your life, I'm here for you. Head over to my Instagram at BalanceBaby podcast and be sure to hit follow. Send me a DM and tell me what you're struggling with. I'd be happy to help if I can. Together here, we're creating a community of beautiful souls, ready to uplift each other, ready to experience all the joy that this life has to offer us. And don't forget life is all about Balance. Baby.