S1E7 Personal Growth Through Self-Love and Inner Child Healing

Valentine's Day often conjures images of candlelit dinners and heart-shaped boxes, but what if we switched gears to celebrate a different kind of love? Join me as we unfold the layers of self-love and inner child work, finding joy in the embrace of our own company. This heartwarming journey is not just about self-preservation; it's about paying homage to our intrinsic worth and setting up boundaries as a testament to the respect we owe ourselves. Whether you've felt the sting of familial complexities or grappled with the echoes of an immigrant upbringing, this episode promises a compassionate look at how we can transmute these experiences into stepping stones for personal growth and healthier relationships.

As we turn the page to the chapter of our inner child, we invite you to rediscover the spark of spontaneity and curiosity that life tends to bury under its responsibilities. Let's reclaim the joy and wonder of our younger selves, using playfulness as a tool for healing and self-discovery. This isn't your run-of-the-mill Valentine's narrative; it's an invitation to a community of support and shared happiness, where the celebration of self is just as important as the love we extend to others. Together, we'll navigate the path to unconditional self-love, making this Valentine's Day an unforgettable milestone in our collective journey toward emotional wellness and connection.

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Chapters

• 0:03 Self-Love and Inner Child Healing
• 18:50 Inner Child Work for Healing and Growth

Transcript

Harkaren: 0:03

Hello everyone and welcome to Balance Baby, the podcast designed to help you consistently show up as the best version of yourself. My name is Harkaren and I'll be your host. I'll be here every week sharing stories and teaching you techniques to prioritize the only thing we have any control over in this world Ourselves. Today is Valentine's Day, so it's only natural for us to talk about love. I'm such a sucker for love. I love to give love and receive love. I love the feeling of being in love. But since I'm single, romantic love the kind that's often associated with Valentine's Day is currently non-existent in my life. But before you start feeling sorry for me, I love where I'm at. I'm alone, but I'm not lonely. Even after all these years, I can still remember how terrible it felt to be lonely in an empty relationship. I'd much rather be here than there. I'm truly so thankful to no longer be in that situation and, regardless of not having romantic love in my life, I'm surrounded by love and I feel it all around me, from my family, from my friends, from the universe and, most importantly, from myself Self.

Harkaren: 1:36

Love is the foundation of a healthy and fulfilling life. It's about accepting and valuing yourself for who you are, embracing your strengths and weaknesses and treating yourself with kindness and compassion, you become your own best friend, who's always there for you, cheering you on and lifting you up when you're down. You recognize your worth and know that you deserve happiness and fulfillment just as much as anyone else. When you practice self love, you prioritize your own well-being and take care of yourself in the same way you would care for a loved one. You pay attention to your physical health by nourishing your body with nutritious food, getting enough rest and engaging in activities that make you feel good. But self love goes beyond just taking care of your physical needs. It's not about having a cute little self care day once a month. It's about nurturing your emotional and mental well-being, learning to your inner voice with kindness and understanding, acknowledging your feelings and allowing yourself to experience them without judgment. Self love means setting boundaries and saying no to things that don't serve you or don't align with your values. It's about recognizing your worth and not settling for anything less than you deserve in relationships, in work and in other areas of your life. Practicing self-love doesn't mean you're selfish. It allows you to show up as the best version of yourself, ready to share your light and love with those around you. When you love yourself unconditionally, you become more resilient in the face of challenges and better equipped to handle whatever life throws your way. So always, but today especially, take a moment to appreciate yourself for who you are flaws and all. Treat yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would offer your friends and watch as your relationship with yourself grows into the most meaningful relationship ever.

Harkaren: 3:57

Relationships serve as reflections of ourselves. The qualities and beliefs we hold about relationships tend to attract similar qualities in the people around us, whether they're coworkers, friends, partners or family members. The aspects we dislike in others are often either traits we possess but dislike in ourselves, or beliefs we hold about the world. It's unlikely that we would attract or maintain these relationships if they didn't somehow resonate with our own experiences and perspectives. So it's up to us to use our relationships to grow into the best and most authentic versions of ourselves. Many times we attract people into our lives who challenge us by triggering our unhealed wounds. Sometimes, in these situations, we try to change the other person in order for us to be happy, or we judge and blame others rather than owning that. These feelings are coming up because of our own limiting beliefs.

Harkaren: 5:06

Every aspect of life involves relationships. Our connections with objects or food, and especially with other people, reflect our relationship with ourselves. How we perceive ourselves is heavily influenced by the way we were treated by adults during our childhood. The reactions we received then often shape how we treat ourselves now, both positively and negatively. This ties in to what we learned in episode 1 about a substantial part of our subconscious beliefs being formed before the age of 7. Consider the way you talk to yourself. Is it similar to the language you heard growing up? If you have issues with your self-worth, you probably didn't grow up being praised by your parents. But this isn't about blaming our parents. We need to recognize that they passed down what they themselves knew, for better or for worse.

Harkaren: 6:10

Research indicates that our significant relationships often mirror the dynamics we had with our parents. Until we resolve and heal those initial relationships, we might find it challenging to create the fulfilling connections we desire. For example, if someone grew up with a parent who was emotionally distant or emotionally unavailable, in their childhood they might have felt neglected and had to adapt to the parent's inconsistent presence. As they enter adult relationships, they might find themselves drawn to partners who also struggle with emotional intimacy or have difficulty expressing their feelings. The patterns and dynamics we learned in our early relationships shape our expectations and behaviors in future relationships. The person might unconsciously seek out relationships that mirror the emotional dynamics they experienced with their parent, even if they want deeper connections and intimacy.

Harkaren: 7:14

Myself and many other children of immigrant parents grew up with complex family dynamics. Most of us have siblings, so we never got specialized one-on-one attention. Many of us never heard the words I love you. As children, our parents never heard those words from their parents and so on. But we were also too young to understand that most of our parents show love through acts of service or gifts, not words of affirmation. But they weren't informed enough to explain this to us in a loving way.

Harkaren: 7:53

In the Punjabi community, alcoholism is a huge issue affecting the majority of families in one way or another. If you have a dad who is an alcoholic, it causes so much instability in your home. You grow up feeling unsafe, not necessarily physically, although that is the case in some circumstances, but you're unsafe emotionally. You don't know what you're coming home to each day. You might have witnessed a lot of arguing and at times that anger may have gotten displaced towards you Kids who grew up in these environments often have low self-esteem, suffer from depression and anxiety. When they witness the destructive behavior of the parent who is struggling with an addiction, it can leave them with emotional scars. They can begin to internalize feelings of guilt, shame and inadequacy. They might blame themselves for their parent's addiction and they feel powerless to change the situation. This causes them to be flooded with emotions that they're too young to understand and process. This is too much for any child to take on, and this is exactly how we end up with a wounded inner child.

Harkaren: 9:14

I would say that the most significant healing that I've done involved inner child work, and it's healing that I avoided for a long time, mostly because I didn't understand it, but also I think there was a part of me that didn't want to acknowledge that my inner child existed. I just wanted to be an adult, figuring things out logically, but we all have an inner child and most of us have a wounded inner child. At some point during our childhood. We were abandoned, neglected or shamed, whether that was intentionally or unintentionally. Inner child wounds are those emotional hurts and traumas that we carry with us from childhood. They can run deep and affect nearly every aspect of our lives, influencing how we see ourselves, how we interact with others and even the choices we make. Healing from these wounds takes time and patience because they've been with us for so long. It's like untangling a knot. It won't happen overnight, but with consistent effort it can be done. In my own journey, I've realized that healing these wounds requires a lot of repetition and consistency. We have to show up for ourselves consistently, day after day, even when it feels hard or uncomfortable.

Harkaren: 10:44

I highly recommend working with a therapist for inner child healing if you're able to. The healing can be pretty intense and a lot can come up, so it's nice to have someone there to help you make sense of things. But this podcast is intended to help guide you on your journey to your best self. So, as always, I'll be sharing some inspired action steps you can start implementing today. At one of my therapy sessions a few years ago, my therapist and I were working on healing limiting subconscious beliefs. Even though my logical conscious mind knew that I was safe and my needs were met, these old wounds still lingered beneath the surface, influencing my thoughts and behaviors. My therapist had sent me a link to a guided inner child healing meditation on YouTube. It was powerful. During the meditation, I started sobbing uncontrollably. It was such a release of emotions years of built-up, pain, sadness and frustration. Afterwards I went back to the video and read the comments and crying was the most common response to the meditation. It was the result of validating our feelings, allowing our self to be acknowledged and releasing the emotions we had harbored for so long. If you're curious and want to try this meditation for yourself, send me a DM on Instagram at balancebabypodcast and I'll share the YouTube link with you. And while you're there, of course, be sure to hit follow.

Harkaren: 12:26

Besides trying guided inner child healing meditation, an important technique to implement into your life is learning how to reparent yourself. You're going to have to learn how to be a loving parent to yourself. This works best. If you can find a picture of yourself to reference. Try to find one from when you're somewhere between 5 and 7 years old. It gives you a visual representation of how young and innocent you were. Keep it somewhere where you'll see it frequently, maybe even set it as your phone background. Look at it often and see how there's no possible way that you could have deserved any of the negativity you faced, how you were deserving of love, no matter what Giving yourself is giving yourself the things that you didn't get as a child. If you've never connected with your inner child before, then you'll need to start by creating a dialogue and learning how to tune in to that inner voice. Begin building a relationship where you can trust yourself, where you feel validated and understood. It means that you stop people pleasing and learn to set boundaries, to prioritize your own needs. You did not cause your own pain or trauma, but you are responsible for healing it and preventing it from spreading to future generations.

Harkaren: 14:00

Both of the techniques I just discussed bring up a lot of heavy emotions. I promise you will make it through the discomfort and it'll be so worth it when you do. Releasing those emotions. And releasing those emotions is necessary for our growth. But once we get past that, I always prefer to work with lighter, higher vibrational energy. So this next suggestion is my personal favorite Make time for play.

Harkaren: 14:30

Make a list of some of the things that you used to love to do when you were a kid and then start doing them. I used to love to play on the monkey bars and the swings and would hula hoop all recess long. I loved to blow bubbles and watch Barney. Actually, the other day I was driving and the I Love you song from Barney started randomly playing in my head. You know the one it goes I love you, you love me, we're a happy family. No, you don't remember. Okay, anyways, I used to love to play Nintendo games and Sonic on Sega. I loved doing crafts and reading mystery novels. I loved riding my bike and making Rice Krispy Squares. I remember going to the Scholastic Book Fair, reading Goosebumps, watching Are you Afraid of the Dark. The list goes on and on and on. Engaging in these activities as an adult will cause feelings of nostalgia and joy, giving you a fun and rewarding way to connect with your inner child.

Harkaren: 15:43

And the final technique is one we will dive deeper into in future episodes, but it's a technique that helps us bridge self-love with inner child healing. It is the power of reciting positive affirmations. This affirmation is taken from Louis Hayes' book you Can Heal your Life. It goes like this In the infinity of life, where I am all is perfect, whole and complete, I live in harmony and balance with everyone I know. Deep at the center of my being there is an infinite well of love. I now allow this love to flow to the surface. It fills my heart, my body, my mind, my consciousness, my very being, and radiates out of me in all directions and returns to me multiplied. The more love I use and give, the more I have to give. The supply is endless. The use of love makes me feel good. It is an expression of my inner joy.

Harkaren: 16:57

I love myself, therefore. I take loving care of my body. I lovingly feed it nourishing foods and beverages. I lovingly groom it and dress it, and my body lovingly responds to me with vibrant health and energy. I love myself, therefore. I provide myself a comfortable home, one that fills all my needs and is a pleasure to be in. I fill the rooms with the vibration of love so that all who enter, including myself, will feel this love and be nourished by it. I love myself, therefore. I work at a job I truly enjoy doing, one that uses my creative talents and abilities, working with and for people I love and who love me, and earning a good income. I love myself, therefore. I behave and think in a loving way to all people, for I know that which I give out returns to me multiplied. I only attract loving people in my world, for they are a mirror of what I am. I love myself. Therefore, I forgive and totally release the past and all past experiences, and I am free. I love myself. Therefore, I live totally in the now, experiencing each moment as good and knowing that my future is bright and joyous and secure, for I am a beloved child of the universe and the universe lovingly takes care of me now and forever. All is well in my world. Thank you so much for tuning in to my seventh episode.

Harkaren: 18:50

Inner Child Work is a powerful tool for healing emotional wounds, fostering self-love and promoting personal growth. When we heal our inner child wounds, we bring love and connection into all of our relationships. We begin rediscovering feelings of joy and spontaneity, we relearn how to laugh freely, how to play and how to approach life with curiosity. No matter how old you get, you should always aim to be young at heart, always stay connected with your inner child, be lighthearted, be silly, giggle often. Last but not least, happy Valentine's Day. Celebrate the unique person that you are, meet yourself with kindness and appreciation and show yourself unconditional love. Together here we're creating a community of beautiful souls, ready to uplift each other, ready to experience all the joy that this life has to offer us. And don't forget life is all about balance, baby.